My Big, Fake, Japanese Wedding

Hello everyone, happy happy news! I got "married" on Saturday!!!

Look how many people came to our wedding!

Not really. Obviously. I am as single as the tires on a unicycle. (Let me take a minute to go cry in the corner by myself. OK, over it.) The idea of me getting sporadically married to guy no one has ever heard of (I, myself, met him that morning,) without telling any friends or family is pretty... impossible.

"But Kait, why are you wearing a wedding dress?" you may be asking. Well friend, let me tell you! Because I look good in it!  ...one hopes. Haha. The truth is, my friend here in Japan performs wedding ceremonies. He does them in Japanese or English, and I'm sure he can do them in Dutch, as he's from the Netherlands.

Weddings in Japan are strangely similar and yet strangely different than weddings in the States. As Japan is a largely non-Christian country, there are few churches to get married in. People get married in shrines, hotels, or at special wedding venues that do it all for you. (Or a combination of 2 of those.) Brides here don't buy wedding dresses. They rent them from the bridal shops or wedding venues for extremely high prices. (It costs similar to buying a really nice dress in America, but only renting it.) Often, the bride will wear 2 or 3 different outfits, such a traditional wedding kimono, a traditional white wedding dress, and then some crazy wedding dress/prom dress love child on crack.)

Images:  Abazias.com, Atelier Luce, weheartit.com from weddingphotography.com

That's pretty much it. More traditional brides may only have one of the first 2 dresses/kimono, where the more "fancy" (for lack of a better word) can go all out and have 3 to 5 different outfits. That's a lot of costume changes! Usually they'll do the kimono for a traditional shrine wedding, then change into other dresses for the reception. Receptions in this case are their own types of ceremonies, as often only relatives go to the wedding at the shrine. If they have a "traditional Western style" wedding at a Wedding venue or hotel, they'll usually wear a traditional white wedding gown for the ceremony, and then change into kimono and/or the crazy wedding dresses for the reception.

Receptions are carefully organized and planned events where the guests get drunk as the bride and groom change costume a billion times, have speeches made, and do special symbolic things like lighting candles together or pouring glowing liquid into a fountain together, etc. Not the western style of toasts, and then dance floor. There is no dance floor (unless specially requested.)

From my friend San-chan's wedding. Their love is aglow!

Anyway, there is a ton more to say about Japanese weddings, so if you're interested, take a look around the internet. I'll just go back to MY special "wedding"day. So yes, weddings are a big thing here. There are many different venues trying to get the bride to come to them and let them provide everything, for big bucks. To help bring in prospective clients, venues sometimes have demonstrations to show clients what the wedding ceremony looks like, without actually invading someone's special day.

My friend Jack asked me to help him out with such a thing. The day was coming and they had no "bride." Of course, thrilled to take any chance where I get to dress up in costumes, I jumped at the chance to be pretend bride for the day. I met my "groom" in the car on the way to Izumo, where Belle Bruge, the wedding venue, was. We got there, greeted the staff, and said our "yoroshiku"s, then went to see where the ceremony would take place.

The grooms?

We practiced the ceremony a few times so I would know what to do, and then I went to get hair and make up done, and get dressed. Because Jack told me I would have hair and make up, I didn't put any on. But, she was extremely light with the make up, just eyebrow pencil, eyeshadow, a little blush, and lip gloss. The dark circles under my eye were not happy.

More make up please!

Then I got in my dress. She spread it out, looked at it and decided it wasn't poofy enough, and went to get more poof.

Not nearly poofy enough.

Poof on demand!

I was concerned about it fitting, because nothing in Japan ever fits me, but I squeezed in all right. The bra padding was a little small, but once the dress was laced up, it seemed fine. I then had to remove all my earrings, so I could wear the clip on ones, and a necklace, tiara, veil, and gloves.

please climb into this giant cupcake of taffeta

Pre-"wedding" selfie

The "groom" got dressed as well, and had a hard time buttoning the shirt around his neck, but managed in the end. Then we waited while the "guests" arrived. 4 couples and 1 pair of girls (couple? bride and friend/sister/mother? I don't know) came to watch the wedding and see if it was how they wanted to get married.

We walked down the aisle to applause, there were prayers, fake resizable cheap rings were exchanged, we got to pretend to kiss, pretend to sign a marriage contract, say "I do" in Japanese (Hai, chikaimasu,) listen to "You Raise Me Up" being sung while feathers fell from the ceiling onto us, bow to the audience, and walk out. It was, indeed, a wedding ceremony. The best part was when Jack said something majestic in Japanese and then raised his hands, and the curtains behind him opened to show windows with a fake pool with fire burning in the center of it. I almost burst out laughing, but contained myself. You really had to be there.

Can you see the pool and fire?

After that, the dress and too small shoes came off, thank goodness! And my hair was brushed out and we were done. After many thanks and "otsukaresama deshita"s (thank you for all your hard work,) we left and were on our way back home. And that was my pretend Japanese wedding. Lots of fun, would totally do it again.

The "newly-weds" thank you for everything!

Rock'n' Winter, Doritos Style

As anyone who has read any of my blog entries before knows, Japan has crazy versions of well-known Western foods. (They also have crazy versions of food not sold in Western countries, but that is for another time.) If you have never read my blog before, you may already know of these crazy flavors that sometimes exist, because, you know, the internet. If you had no idea that Japan did this, prepare to have your eyes opened!

The Japanese branch of Frito-Lay loves to do crazy things, such as Pepsi flavored corn puffs. I'm sure more special, magical flavors of snacks exist than I can even pretend to guess at. However, sometimes I come across such glorious things in my little piece of the Japanese countryside, and then I get to share them with you! How lucky is that!

One of Frito-Lay's biggest sellers here is Doritos. Now, while Doritos may be easy to find in any store in America, they can be hit or miss here in Japan, (at least where I live,) and are usually only sold in 2 flavors, Tacos, and Nacho Cheese.

Would you like your corn chips with fake cheese flavoring, or spicy fake cheese flavoring?

Now, that is not to say those are the only flavors in existence, far from it. Those are just the flavors that seem readily available year round. I used to see "corn flavored" Doritos, also know as a normal corn chip with no powder flavoring, but I haven't been able to find those lately. Which is really too bad, as they were my favorite flavor, (or lack there of. I find I don't like nasty artificial powders getting involved with my salsa or guacamole.) In addition to these main flavors, there are limited time and regional flavors available if you know where to look. Or, in my case, someone else finds them for you.

Just in time for the winter holidays, Frito-Lay released a special limited time flavor of Doritos. They are cute! They are shaped like little pine trees! They are green!

Behold! It's a Christmas miracle!

Best of all, they are Corn Cream Stew flavored. Introducing, for a very limited time only in Japan, Doritos Rock'n' White Corn Cream Stew tortilla chips. How's that for a name. What's that? You didn't know you wanted your slightly Mexican inspired snack food to taste like a heavy winter meal? How could you not?! The flavoring powder is even white, so it will look like snow on the trees!

Can you see the "snow"?

Now, I'm not sure what corn cream stew, or any stew for that matter, has to do with tortilla chips or any winter holiday really. Perhaps the Japanese people truly appreciate a good, artificial stew flavor. (See previous post about stew flavored ice pops.) That being said, the shape alone is pretty adorable. My friend bought these for his Christmas party, so we all got to try them.

Taste wise, it's amazing how much these taste like corn cream stew. If you were blind folded, you may possibly think it's actually stew, except for the texture. It's not creamy like a stew. It's crunchy like a chip. (There's an idea, let's go confuse all the blind people of the world. No really, let's not. That's mean.) It's a salty flavor, but it's not over kill, just slightly salt happy. Once the powder is gone, it immediately reverts back to tasting like a normal corn chip. I thought the after taste was rather "meh." It's not horrible, but tangy in an unpleasant manner. That being said, they seem to have the same magic as other strange flavored snack foods, that once you finish eating it, you immediately want another one, even though you didn't particularly love it as you ate it.

Of the other party goers, 3 other people tried the chips in my presence. Joe and Matt both liked them. They thought the flavor was accurate, just like corn cream stew. Matt enjoyed them for the shape, and thought they were good for novelty value, but probably wouldn't purchase them again. Joe would buy them again if he had the chance. Ken hated them. He thought they were bland and "not good." Personally, I agree with Matt the most. They were interesting, they weren't disgusting, but I wouldn't go out of my way to eat them again.

They seem to want to set you on fire. Beware of the Doritos!